Why Todah Shalom Longing for Home? I wanted something Hebrew because my original intent was just a place to journal about this new development in my faith walk (looking into the Hebrew background of my Messiah). I was so thankful for everything YHWH had done for me and led me to and continues to do and lead me to and I really want to hold on to that. So that’s where Todah comes from. It means thanks in Hebrew. Shalom, of course is peace. And I have found great peace in trusting YHWH wherever he leads, even when sometimes other Christians think I’m in a cult. And Longing 4 Home…well, I long for the Kingdom on Earth when all Believers will be one family. I long for Israel, the promised land, which I believe is our true home.
Well I finally watched the 180 Movie. I honestly can’t decide what’s the most shocking and horrifying. So many things in this short film deeply concern me. The fact that so many don’t know who Hitler was is disturbing and yet those who idolize him and deny the holocaust even happened are equally disturbing. And the seemingly normal people who became convinced that killing is wrong and yet still said they did not think they would take a stand when given a choice to defend life. That is truly frightening.
The fact that so many clung to their sin so tightly. You could just see the white knuckled grip they had. It was so sad to watch. Some just didn’t want to give up. Some appeared just reluctant. I am pretty sure it was fear in their eyes. Some agreed with Ray Comfort as he spoke but I couldn’t help but wonder if they would turn back to sin when the cameras weren’t rolling. I imagine that’s what it was like for Noah. He tried to warn the people and some laughed, some were afraid but still nearly all ended up perishing.
Then when the subject of abortion came up. So very many were shown the inconsistency in their thinking and still clung to the lies of the enemy. Although Ray Comfort is very good. Quite a few said they had changed their minds about abortion. But how sad that we as a nation have allowed it to get this far to begin with. How is it that so many Believers in the Messiah think that Yeshua (Jesus) will not have anything to say about these things? We have become so convinced in our own minds that what we FEEL is what matters. Exodus 20:13 says “You shall not murder. John 10:25-27 says Jesus answered them, “I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father’s name bear witness about me, but you do not believe because you are not among my sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. Murder is not following Him and neither is condoning murder. Ask yourself today “Am I condoning murder? What am I currently doing to stop it? Do I believe? Am I among His sheep? Do I hear His voice? Am I following Him? And if you are not following Him, tell Him you are sorry and you want to follow Him. Ask Him to allow you to hear His voice!
And if you haven’t watched it yet, it is well worth your time. http://www.180movie.com/
I’ve never really made a New Year’s resolution. Its just not my thing. But when I saw a few posts on Facebook about a Scripture for the year…my exact thought was “Cool! I want YHWH to give ME a scripture for the year.” Go ahead and read that in a pitiful, whiny, childish voice. I won’t be offended. Its true, sometimes my faith is more childish than child-like. Thankfully He gives us what we need.
I began to pray and ask Him to put a scripture on my heart. Some came to mind. Jeremiah 29:11? That is one of my most favorite verses! But no it isn’t for this year. I would say that was my verse for 2012 except that I didn’t know about this verse for the year thing then. Psalm 139:13? Nope. Probably appropriate for 2013. Or any of the 9 other years YHWH knit blessings into my womb. So many verses came to mind. But I wanted something special that I just knew Yah had hand picked for me and for this year. So I continued to pray. I asked Him to forgive me for never thinking to ask before. And I thanked Him for making me aware of this scripture of the year concept now. I thanked Him for all that He has done. And I waited. I wish I could say I patiently waited but sometimes I wasn’t at all patient. Truly patience is not my strong point. I always say that’s why He gave me 10 kids. It gives me lots of opportunities to practice patience. At some point I actually started to think that perhaps this scripture of the year thing wasn’t for me? So I let go of the whole idea and said “Ok Yah, just lead. And I will follow.” Oh…wait a minute…what is that verse again?? I know it’s in the book of Ruth. But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Ruth 1:16 Oh, I really love that verse! But I feel like there is more Yah. So I prayed and continued to wait on Him.
I started to get this sense that He has been preparing me for a really long time to be some sort of bridge. He was preparing me when I’ve had to defend my parenting choices. He was preparing me when I’ve had to defend homeschooling. He was even preparing me when I used to go to the local abortion mill to pray that lives would be spared and souls healed. Each time that I watched in dismay as professing Christians ripped each other to pieces with words, he was preparing me. I know this may sound a little strange to some and maybe even stupid and crazy. But this image of a bridge was what I kept thinking of as I would pray. Pray and wait. Pray and wait. In the midst of all this praying and waiting I kept seeing examples of the brokenness in Yah’s family, the people of Israel. The division in the Christian church as a whole. The division between the two houses of Israel. The division in the Hebrew/Messianic community. The division and brokenness in families, my own included. So I would pray. I had and still have no idea how He could use me in this but I am asking him to show me. He leads and I follow. Even when I can’t see what is in front of me, which is most of the time.
So I had been praying for almost 2 months. It was February 21st. I shared this feeling that I have that Yah is and has been preparing me to be some sort of bridge between groups of people. I even thought of another possible verse Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” To be honest, I was hoping that wasn’t it because I didn’t feel at all equipped. And frankly, I don’t like being a peacemaker. Its hard. And I really need to develop some boundary setting skills. When I shared this with a friend she said “You know the verse about repairers of the breach?” And I said “Well, no. I’ve never even heard of that.” So I quickly Googled repairers of the breach bible and found that it was Isaiah 58:9-13. I had been reading my Bible earlier and had left it open sitting next to my laptop. So I look over as I start to look up Isaiah 58 and I discover that my Bible is open to…you guessed it …Isaiah 58. I had goosebumps. Seriously!
Isaiah 58:9-13 says this:
“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
“And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
“Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell.
“If because of the sabbath, you turn your foot
From doing your own pleasure on My holy day,
And call the sabbath a delight, the holy day of the LORD honorable,
And honor it, desisting from your own ways,
From seeking your own pleasure
And speaking your own word,
I was stunned when I read it. I just started learning about Torah in April 2013. I started trying to keep Torah Sukkot of 2013. I had never before read these verses. Actually, I love Isaiah 58 in its entirety. I can’t really explain my feelings adequately because its so very personal but I can honestly say that YHWH has been preparing me for this throughout my entire life. I have not known it or understood it but never the less, He has allowed everything that has ever happened. There are no coincidences. Everything that has happened in my life has been filtered through His very hands. He has a plan. And He works all for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Back in early December my dear, sweet hubby was feeling quite unsettled about this whole Torah thing and so he spoke with our pastor about it. Our pastor was very understanding about it. He listened to my husband’s concerns. He admitted that he really didn’t know much about Hebrew Roots. He also graciously offered to connect us with a church planter who had formerly been involved in the Hebrew Roots Movement. Then he urged hubby to be cautious, because while you can learn a great deal there are some wolves in sheep’s clothing. Frankly I don’t disagree with him but I would say that applies to the entire Christian church, not just Hebrew or Messianics. I’m fairly certain he would agree with me. Then he assigned hubby some Scriptures to read. I do not know what Scriptures because hubby wanted to read them without any commentary from me or anyone else and come to his own understanding. The only thing I know is that entire books were assigned and both the Old and New Testaments were included. So I waited and I prayed….and I waited and I prayed….and I waited and I prayed some more.
During all this waiting on God I was feeling tormented because hubby hasn’t said a word about anything! I have not seen him reading his Bible (its been in my Sabbath bag untouched for months). He initially agreed to read the Bible with me nightly and then nothing. So all this time I am thinking that he just disregarded the scriptures that he said he would read. I really thought that he was just biding his time, waiting for this whole Torah thing with me to blow over. So all the while there has been a growing distance between us because as I am drawing closer to YHWH (God) and growing in Torah, hubby is privately and quietly growing more and more confused and unsure. Lately his mood has been…well, crabby and distant. He is very much suffering from cabin fever and we are both feeling separate, not at all one flesh. This was weighing very heavy on my heart so I prayed and asked others to pray. Well, Sunday night we had a long talk and I just asked him when he was going to tell me what is going on with him because his mood lately is not at all like him. It came out that he indeed has been reading the Bible. He had taken one of the many around our house with him to work. (Turns out it was a NT only but he was reading!) And he was becoming increasingly frustrated because it doesn’t make sense! So I asked him if he has prayed about that and he said yes but it still doesn’t make sense to me. So I told him that is exactly how I always felt before coming to Torah. It was like I was missing pieces to the puzzle and now they are turning up, one by one. So I said “Ok, so you tried this the pastor’s way, and it doesn’t make sense. Now can we try this my way? (Obviously it isn’t really MY way but since he thinks of it that way…) Does it really matter what we think or what we want it to say? Or shouldn’t we be looking at this from the perspective of what God thinks? Shouldn’t we look at this from a Hebrew perspective since it was written from a Hebrew perspective? So I think at this point he is ready to start looking at this whole Torah thing seriously. Praise Yah! Now, friends please pray for us! When we have to explain to my older children (one in particular) that we remove ALL leaven from the home for an entire week well…suffice it to say this family will need to be blanketed in prayer.
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